WHO YOU DATING
INTERNET DATING AT ITS BEST/WORST
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(2009/08/17)
 

There comes a time on every Internet date that you have to decide yes or no and how you are going to end the encounter.

You should make every effort to be kind and compassionate if you want to reject a relationship with this person. Remember, there are some pretty lonely people out there, including you after a few months of not finding the right one.

So be nice even if the picture they posted was not anything like what they look like in person. Remember this is Internet dating and it's not always what you see or expect.


If they were less than honest, you may be ready to jump ship at the moment of first meeting this person, and you have the right to walk away without comment.

It may even be tempting to let them know of your displeasure, but you have to figure they are pretty lonely and not likely to get many dates so you may want to give them a pass and keep your mouth shut.

The other option is that you can still be polite and say something like, “You can’t be Mary. She looks a hundred pounds lighter and she has front teeth.”

For you ladies, you may try, "You can't be John. It never mentioned in his profile that he had eaten a basketball that lodged in his stomach, and his head wasn't bald with little warts growing where hair once grew."

Then, of course there is the option that you hang out for a short while and politely say you have to be going.

"Well, it was nice getting to know you, but I have to be going. You take good care now."

You turn and walk away. You don't have to explain ever thing to everybody.

My feeling is if they lied and posted a fake or an old picture, you say, “How come you don’t look anything like the picture you posted?”

They will then have to tell you that it was an old picture, and you can say, “I find that to be rather misleading and I couldn’t have a relationship grounded in deceit.”

You then flip your scarf over your shoulder and walk off.

For the rest of your encounters, one of four things happens: you like them and they don’t like you; they like you and you don’t like them; you like each other; or you don’t like each other.

Sadly, it isn’t always clear as to which of the four scenarios is occurring at the moment. So you have a 25% chance of getting this right without any real analysis. I actually don’t like those odds, nor do I accept rejection well so there are ways to make this work.

You like them: At the end of the encounter, you say, “I had a really great time and I would like to see you again."

Pause just a bit in case they want to agree and then you don’t have to get cryptic.

If they don’t respond at the nano-pause, you then add, “I never like to put anyone on the spot, so if you feel the same, I’d like you to give me a call and we’ll go out again. This way the ball is in your court.”

That line works well to keep everyone comfortable. You let them know how you feel and they can take it from there. If they aren’t interested they will not call. There is no embarrassing in person rejection, and you just move on if they never call.

There is the chance they will tell you right then that they too would like to get together in which case you shut up and tell them you will call or make a date before you leave.

There is the chance they don't like to beat around the bush and they will tell you they are not interested. Since you gave them an easy out, this is not likely to happen, but if they say something like, "I don't want you to wait with baited breath, so just know that I won't be calling you," you very politely say, "Screw you," and walk away. No, you actually be classy and say, "Thanks for being so honest."

Sometimes you just know you are having great chemistry and at the end of the evening you make a date or tell them you will call. That’s not a very hard encounter and there is no problem saying goodnight, except for the possible fact that you can’t get your tongue out of their mouth long enough to say goodnight (but don’t count on this scenario).

You don't like them:
If you don’t like the person, it can get tricky. Now you have to say goodbye and mean it forever.

Some take the indirect approach and just say, “Well, I had a nice evening and I’ll see you around.”

That’s vague for those who can’t take a hint, but you just never call so it works.

The down side is that they may say, “When?”

Most people get the idea so don’t worry about what to say. For those of you who worry about everything, when they say, “When?” you say, “When the cows come home to roost.”

At that point they should realize you’re nuts and they’ll drop it.

An easier way to reject is to be a tad more honest and say, “I had a nice time, but (the proverbial but) ever since I caught this leprosy, I realize I shouldn’t be dating until they find a cure.”

Even more honest would be to say, “You seem like a really nice person, but (here we go again) I’m not getting the kind of feeling I’m looking for. It’s a chemistry thing. I do wish you luck in finding someone who works for you.”

Now that's honest and to the point and it isn’t really putting the person down. However, it’s still a rejection, but it is honest and it works. If you’re a wimp, use the leprosy line and there are no hurt feelings.

They don't like you:
You shouldn’t take rejection in a bad way. It’s just that most relationships need to start with some chemistry and if it isn’t there, it makes for a bad beginning. Recognize that not everyone is compatible and you will find someone who works with you in time. Or if time seems to be a case of "forever," you can get an inflatable Bob or Sally doll with multiple functioning orifices. The other option is small farm animals – no silly, not for that - for companionship.

They may be nice about rejecting you or they may be out right rude. Don't take it personal. If they are rude, you are lucky you don't match or you would have a life of rudeness thrust upon you if that's their nature. You lucked out!

They like you: As noted, if they like you they will seize the opportunity when you tell them you had a great time.

You may not even need to worry about rejections when the person exhibits a lot of body language that shows they are interested. You need to recognize the subtle signs of endearment so that you’ll know they will be receptive when you end the evening with the request for another date.

Some of the subtle signs that they like you include things like the woman pressing her breasts into you arm any chance she gets. And like wise, when the guy keeps pushing his arm into your breast, it usually means there is some chemistry, or he has a terrible spacial relations problem.

While the breast thing may be too subtle to notice, you should be alert to the touchy feely kind of encounter. There are some people who are great at giving a little touch or rub here and there, and it really does help let you know that the person is interested. If you get some of that physical contact (they keep touching your hand, thigh or sex glands), it usually means there is some chemistry.

Other ways positive chemistry is conveyed has to do with the conversation. If this person hangs on your every word, or if they look and sound passionate about what they have to tell you, it’s a good sign that they like you. By the end of the date you will be comfortable in asking them out again.

Well, the iDate is over and one of the various things noted above has happened. What now? Do you shake their hand or kiss them on the cheek or go for the lip lock? We'll discuss this next time.


Comments
• trading forex (2010/09/22 09:35)
Good post man, just looking around some blogs, seems a pretty nice platform you are using.

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