After reading a bunch of Internet dating profiles over a long period
of time I noticed a theme, of sorts, that can best be described as poorly executed. You may need to rework the way you present yourself. After all, who you meet is an important matter whether you just date, have a new friend or end up marrying.

The perfect profile for iDating

I like to have fun but know when to be serious.

Don’t we all want to have fun? Isn’t this a given? Then why do 80% of profiles state that they want to have fun?

I like going out but can stay in and snuggle just as well.

Again, I think we all like to go out and snuggle when we get home. Maybe state things that are not so obvious!

I can even stand in the doorway and be happy.

If You really want to cover all bases, you may want to mention this position, too?

My glass is half full.

Then why are you on medication for depression?

I value loyalty, truthfulness and goodness but I want a man with an edge

Men with an edge are pigs! Don’t expect loyalty and truthfulness.

I like living on the edge but only of a small curb where there is no traffic

That’s because you are loyal!

I love sports as long as they don’t interfere with my gardening.

You’re trying too hard to be accepted?

I love scuba diving in my above-ground pool.

Don’t tell us about all the activities you don’t really like to do.

The Basics

Some of the profiles are absolute turnoffs. I hope you can tell if your own profile is guilty of being poorly written and fix it before life passes you by.

Spelling and grammar mistakes say something about you on a subtle level. I know you think everyone will excuse you, thinking you were just in a rush, and some will, but the quality guys and gals who speak English properly will not give you a pass. Have your fifth grade teacher edit your profile to make sure it’s well written.

Here’s some more help

Get a profile name that exudes greatness and is an amalgamation of all things good. I just saw one that said, Mizery13. Is this a joke, or is this a very depressed person? Maybe Happy Girl 7 says it better.

What about that cleavage?

Now here’s a subject that needs to be addressed. There are so many “come hither” photos. I suppose there are some women who believe in the “sex sells” phenomenon. They are actually on to something – sex does sell! What they may be missing is that they are actually selling sex, perhaps to their detriment if they are looking for a meaningful relationship rather than a roll in the hay.

It’s rather funny to see how many photos are taken with women bending down to put on their shoe. WTF. I suppose they weren’t ready for the photo and since there were none others they posted this one…or is it because when you bend over to adjust your shoe, your cleavage explodes forth from the tight shirt that just so happened to have the top three buttons undone.

If you’re going to take a photo half-dressed, why leave us wondering about the rest of the package? Take a shot adjusting your garter-belt and thong! Maybe I’m old fashioned, but I think revealing oneself in a hooch-manner may be sending the wrong message though I‘m sure it works. Just don’t complain about attracting the players.

Exhibitionism works both ways. Do you really think a guy who posts photos with in his muscle shirt or without a shirt is the type of guy who is interested in a quality relationship? While most of us have some level of exhibitionist tendencies, it’s not one of those traits that breed quality kind of people.

Interestingly, those who can’t seem to walk with head held high based in their intrinsic worth tend to go to the extreme. There are those folks who need to find something to substitute for substance. There are those who do the “gym thing” to develop admirable bodies while others opt for showing “the goods” (cleavage et al) and others take it to another level by going the ink and piercing root. Yes, they paint their bodies with assorted tattoos and pierce their faces to extreme. Then they enjoy the stares that they somehow think of as admiration while they are often getting stares of “What were you thinking?”

The Guys Profile Test

Here is a simple test to see if you learned anything today. Read through this profile and see if there is anything that you feel sends the wrong message or that could have been better constructed by using the hints offered above.

My friends all say I’m miserable, rude, boring and not to be trusted. I don’t like having fun and would much rather stay in the house sulking. I don’t even own a glass, but if I did, there would be no bottom – hence – it would be empty. I watch a lot of TV after hours of watching porn, the later being my preference. For a first date I think we should meet at a public water fountain. That way no one has to pay for coffee in case we realize we are not a match. I had a dog, but he left home because I used to forget to feed him one too many times, but he was loyal (like me) when I remembered to feed him. Well that’s about it, so take a look at my photos of me in my Speedo. I think you may especially like the one showing the tattoo that covers my back with the picture of me on my friends Harley (well not actually my friend, it was at the curb outside this biker bar and I just got on it for the photo). Well that’s all I can think of to tell to you so, so long for now, and I hope we can meet really soon and maybe get married if the sex is good. Yours truly, Satan666

The Girls Profile - Test

My friends all say I'm a great shopper at retail outlets. While they often think of me as being catty, I take that to mean feline in appearance. I like to have fun, and if you want to find me, check out  the beach to find me just chilling. The last book I read was Jane and Tom Go to School. I like the part about Jiff, the dog, running. To quote: "Run Jiff, run." I think it's the plot that gives me chills ever since I first read those words in second grade - a real classic. With lights down low, I like to snuggle, but don't think snuggle means sex because it doesn't. It means: to snuggle. My Champagne glass is always mostly full and I'm working on that issue at AA. Here's a picture of me putting on my shoe - forget the shoe, take a look at my boobs. I got a good deal on them, 3.5K by an Indian surgeon - can't pronounce his name. I'd give you his number but he had to go back to India suddenly. Anyway, as you can see, I do well with 36 double D's. Just make sure you look at all my photos because as you will see, I shop at all the finer stores. Well, that's it for now. I hope we can do one of those simple first dates at a high-end steakhouse. I find that high calorie food helps me maintain a tight fit in my Victoria Secret pushup bras. FYI I am interested in marriage as long as you don't expect sex too often. Once a month is a compatible number for me - what say you? Yours Truly, Bitch4U

• Gym Long Beach (2012/03/06 04:58)
This is my first visit here. I found some really interesting stuff in your blog especially this discussion. Keep up the good work.
• Mystery dater (2012/01/05 07:33)
To Interested Reader:
I shall try to put in more what "to do" comments in the future. Yes, I Date and there are many ads I approve of, but they are not as interesting as the failures. Besides, we learn from mistakes - hopefully others!
Thanks for reading,
• Lynne (2012/01/04 06:39)
Another great article but the bottom line for me is....it does not matter what one may write about themselves. What matters is how you both get along once you meet. People can write anything but action speaks louder than words. Same goes for talking on the phone. No matter what someone writes or may say, you really don't know them until you meet and spend time getting to know each other. Same goes for the phone conversations. Let me tell you if you are a sharp cookie you will know by the 2nd or 3rd time you get together if there is a 2nd or 3rd time, how real the person is and what they are truly looking for if anything.

Another old saying...can' judge a book by its cover. Need to read a couple of chapters.

Happy Internet dating (*.*)
• JBS (2012/01/04 06:03)
So amused. Thoroughly enjoyed!!!! One of your better posts! Thanks for sharing your thoughts... totally made me smile! Oh, and btw... love that this has spell check, so your readers don't look stupid, like your some of your potential dates.
• An Interested Reader (2012/01/04 02:24)
I look forward to seeing what is happening in your dating life Mystery Dater. This post is all what not to do. So, what do people do? If you are teaching a 'how to', please give positive examples. Better yet, have there been any ads that you approve of? Is online dating really a place to meet a quality person? Are personal recommendations better? Are you even dating or just writing about it?

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