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(2012/02/05)
 

While love at first site is a romantic notion and one that some are fortunate to find, most have to settle for some type of a “chemistry” connection. This means that you may feel good about someone from the moment you meet, but unless it’s a chemical explosion, it’s not going to be at the same level as love at first site.

I posit that love at first site and chemistry in general is made up of both lust and the heart – sex and emotion, with lust/sex being the stronger component of the thing we call chemistry for men while emotion is the stronger component for women.

Many relationships are lopsided, where there can be love at first sight for one while the other sees nothing and would never pursue the relationship. Unless there is perfect and continues weighting of this thing we call love at first sight, a relationship could be clouded with subtle cracks that allow it to fall apart for no apparent reason. And when the things that made for the chemistry fade, it is not likely that your lover is going to tell you he/she is not really that into you because they either wish to be kind or they don’t really understand it themselves.

The lucky ones are those who truly experience love at first sight and the feeling is equally mutual. They are using two extreme forces to bind them together – the emotion/heart and the sex/lust – the very strong glue of relationships.

The third component that makes up relationships has to do with reason. What are some of the reasons people get into relationships. Oh, there are so many reasons, but the big ones are for money, prestige, dependency, companionship, security, to leave a bad situation, and the list goes on.

For those who enter into relationships using nothing more than reason/the brain, they are often doomed to frustration and breakup over time if the reason for being in the relationship disappears. Everyone knows that if you marry only for money (a good reason if you want to live a rich life) and the money is gone, the relationship falls apart.

It’s all about balance. You need sound “reasons” combined with “chemistry” and a whole lot of “other things” to be explored at a future posting for relationships to work out.


Comments
• Latin Women (2012/03/02 09:00)
Thanks a lot for blogging this, it was unbelieveably informative and helped me tons.
• Lynne (2012/02/15 10:37)
Love at first sight? Hmmmmmmm... Not sure I believe that. I do believe you can totally feel something at first sight but love????? Bottom line until you take the time to get to know someone you won't truly know your feelings. Perhaps that is why so many men and women are frustrated as they think when you meet someone it should be love at first sight. NOT... First if you are lucky enough to meet someone where you have that gut feeling that something could be there...follow your heart and don't forget your mind. If the relationship developes it is because it was meant to be. Like any project in life you can may have something, something really big but the key is to develope it and make it last. Happy dating.
• mystery dater (2012/02/06 11:44)
What great commentary from such noble guests! Thank you for your responses, time and wisdom.
• Dr Roberta Morgan (2012/02/06 03:05)
Well, well, well......my comments..............................

We meet, one or both fall in love with what has been written to represent a caretaker in the past who tendered us or who abused us. Who tendered and cherished you as a child.
Are you an ACOA (Adult Child of Alcoholics) or an ACPP (Adult Child of Psychotic Parents)? If so, you may UNCONSCIOUSLY pick an alcoholic or psychotic partner. Your set point for normal is grossly distorted.

UNTIL.....they embrace the dysfunction, realize this is a recreation of the past, and LEARN that they deserve a much kinder and expansive partner because they are worthy.

This is a difficult journey because they have to learn to parent themselves with kindness and acceptance, honor their worth, and be proud of their emotional, spiritual growth. This now allows them to pick a whole partner who will represent their achievement and progress to become whole despite being loved in a dysfunctional way in their family of origin.

Eckhard Tolle tells us that those who experienced horrific emotional abuse have an amazing opportunity to become whole and content, to
make this universe a better place.

I often think romance is a sacred form of insanity. If we meet, "feel a chemical attraction," resulting in consummation of the "relationship," we may feel temporarily whole and bonded. All thanks to 20 mgs of Oxytocin released during orgasmic release. Thrill seekers often cherish serial monogamy to re-experience the aforementioned scenario.

A NY Times article about marriage poignantly lists some qualities we may choose to seek in a potential partner. Perhaps if we chose a partner with the following criteria we would be able to keep nearly everyones must have list of everlasting sexual chemistry and not getting bored with the other over time.

How much does being with your partner result in having new experiences?
When you are with your partner, do you feel a greater awareness of life?
How much does your partner increase your ability to accomplish new things and help you expand your own capabilities?
How much do your partner's skills, abilities and other strengths as a person compensate for some of your own weaknesses?
How much do you feel that you have a larger perspective on things because of your partner?
How much has being with your partner resulted in learning new things?
How much has knowing your partner increased your knowledge and helped you become a better person?

This list mandates the partners are high on Maslow's hierarchy of self actually (meaning they don't have monkey brains).

Just my thoughts, "now you will be able to keep the fires burning sexually, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually.
• An Interested Reader (2012/02/05 09:45)
Yes, balance is the key. Unconditional love is rare and probably not healthy. Give and take, a 'deal' good for both parties makes for a good relationship. People sometimes get caught up in 'helping someone.' It makes them feel important and needed. It also can get them involved with the 'needy' or people who know how to manipulate. The ideal match is two strong people who complement each other. Two people who share both chemistry and compatibility. the Mystery Dater's entry today is mild and does not stir much controversy. PS-A note about 'love at first sight': If it lasts, it must survive the above. Also, some times, it takes more time to get to know if there is real love present.

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