WHO YOU DATING
INTERNET DATING AT ITS BEST/WORST
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(2010/07/19)
 

There comes a time when you want to introduce your new date to your friends, parents, siblings or other such people in your life, like your parole officer. One of the first and usually easiest introductions is to acquaint your lover with your friends. It will likely involve a dinner in a place in the hood, because they too don’t want to spend any more time with you than you with them. You, especially, as a dater, want to go home and make love. They as a happily married couple want to go home and watch the Tonight Show and get to sleep. Oh, the benefits of dating!

Depending on how much you like this person, the introduction could be made for your casual dates, heavy/serious contenders, or even your first dates, though that can get tricky and you shouldn’t try that unless you are a professional.

Your date will likely be on their best behavior so as to impress your friends or family. If you notice too much of a change in how they act when they are alone with you and now being put into this position, you may want to make note, because the more a person is the same in all situations, the more likely you are seeing the real “them.” In other words, if they are real phony with others, they may be hiding the “real them” from you as well.

This is your chance to showcase your new lover/date/whatever. The whole reason to take the time away from your time for good sex to introduce them, is to get another opinion about this person unfettered by your obvious lack of clear vision resulting from all that good sex. Yes, sex blinds reason. I do hope that phrase is attributed to me when it becomes popular, like love is blind. And hopefully it, too, will become a saying of enduring worth.

Your friends are not likely to tell you what they think while you are with them, other than the possible “thumbs up” sign you will get if the date comes off as a real winner. You should respond with a “thumbs up” to acknowledge that you, too, think this one is a winner.

After the date, like tomorrow, you can call your friend to see what they really thought. If they are the intrusive, opinionated type, you can expect a call, and they may not wait until tomorrow. So, if your phone rings late that night, and you are in the middle of wild sex, ignore the call. Better yet, turn off your cell. That will really piss-off your friend who just can’t wait to tell you what they think.

Don’t get offended if your friend or family member criticizes your choice of mates. You must remember that they are either concerned about your wellbeing or jealous that you are with this person you perceive of as a winner. Just listen to what they have to say and thank them for their thoughts. Then you can cross them off your list of friends.

Just kidding, but while I jest, they really are either concerned or jealous and don’t forget that. If this person is also single and looking, they may be jealous that you found someone that threatens their relationship with you. After all, if you found Mr. or Ms. Right, you won’t be hanging around with them as much once you tie the knot. You may even have some married friends who love you so much, that they don't want to share you and they, too, could criticize your new lover due to jealously.

If you get consistent criticisms from friends and family regarding your new love/date, you may want to heed the advice, at least a little bit. When you hear enough people tell you that your lover is a predator/user/controller/asshole, they may be seeing something that sex has blinded you to (remember – sex blinds reason– where did I hear that before? Great expression! I wonder who said it first).

Like all seemingly good relationships, there is a honeymoon stage that lasts from a few minutes to around two years. Any longer than that and you are probably needy, nuts, or an aberration. Sure, you’re going to tell me about the couple who have been married for fifty years and they still hold hands and smooch all the time in public. Like I said, they are either needy, nuts or an aberration.

Most long lasting couples treat each other like “family” after all that time. Yes, they yell at them, show great intolerance or take them for granite. Just kidding. There are many couples who treat one another with dignity, respect and love combined with an exciting sex life that is repeated often. I even knew one like that once.

After the honeymoon is what really counts, and just know that it may not be all wine and roses, so heed the advice of others, not blindly, but buyer beware.

Try to avoid your tendency to be needy. I think that affects most people – we need a connection. If you have been without that connection for a long time, you could become desperate; a bad combination. If you are too needy or too desperate, you may tend to be blind to the flaws that are readily apparent to your friends and family. As a matter of fact, desperation blinds the soul. Great expression, and you were here to witness its creation.

So, what if your friends and family love your date/lover? This is a good sign, but don’t let their approval disarm you to what may be lurking in the heart of others. Remember, your date is more than likely on their best behavior and may be masking some traits that are less than conducive to a good relationship.

When all is said and done (boy, do I like sayings) you are responsible for your choices. Use all the information you have at your disposal. The friends and family opinions, what you see, and your intuition are all tools to help you make choices, and remember, you are responsible for your choices. You will have to pay the consequences both good and bad.



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