INTERNET DATING AT ITS BEST/WORST
What a great title to a song for yesteryear. Breaking up is not a new concept nor is it just seen with dating. After all, many of you broke up with a spouse of many years, or perhaps a business partner, and that too was not easy.
There may come a time that you realize you have to move on – this is not the right person for you. The breakup may be easy with few consequences or at worst it could end in violence and even death. While violence is not the expected result, we read about the murder of estranged, disgruntled couples every day. No matter how well you end a relationship, if it is with a person who is literally insane, the chance of violence exists.
Internet dating breakups are not unique. After all, depending upon how long the relationship has been going on, you are a couple of one sort or another. The longer the relationship or the more one sided the relationship expect more drama. Quite often, both parties know something isn’t right and that makes the breakup easier. When one is blindsided, that makes for more hurtful feelings.
If the magic has been fading and conflict has been steady, you can make the move during the next flare up of the relationship. Then it’s relatively easy to say, “Things don’t seem to be working for us.”
Duh, I guess that should be a no-brainer, and you can expect an agreement on this fact since you are already in combat mode for some other issue. When you are already fighting it is the perfect time and mindset to bring up the fact that you are ready to move on.
A problem arises when one of the two have no clue the other one is unhappy. This happens in marriage not much different than in dating, it’s just a whole lot easier to get out of this when you’re dating. In this case, it may be a good idea to come home drunk for a few months and they’ll want to leave you. Job done.
If you decide you don’t want to become inebriated, or if you are a recovering alcoholic, you may want to try sitting down with this person and telling them in a sincere and truthful manner that you are unhappy. They may listen to you and actually promise changes for the better. You have to decide if you want that or if there are, as they say, irreconcilable differences.
At all cost, try not to hurt the other person. Be compassionate, and it is noble, if you can, to put the blame on yourself. It’s hard for them to argue or get mad if you are confused, troubled, depressed or any of the other issues that should be accepted if this person is compassionate and tries to think of you rather than themselves.
Keep in mind, human nature dictates that they really may not hear you, or they may plead their case of how they will change, or that you are a jerk, or any of the multitude of ways that conversation may go.
Whatever you do, try not to cheat on your lover wanting to get caught so as to have them leave you. If you really want to go with others, break off the old relationship first.
If your mate decides to leave you, don’t go begging. It only makes them more likely to not want you. There’s a lot of truth to the old adage that people don’t want what they have and want what they can’t have syndrome.
If you’re smart, when someone tells you they are leaving, you present a case for yourself and move on if it falls on deaf ears. That case should be based on why they want the breakup.
If they are not looking for a committed relationship, you tell them you are, and you are ready to find it with someone else.
If they have issues, like “I want to bang everyone I can” – a real statement made to a lovely woman in a two year monogamous dating relationship – you will show an extraordinary amount of class if you say, “I am both shocked and disappointed in you. That is possibly the shallowest most hurtful thing I have ever heard. I hear what you’re saying, and I’m just glad you told me now. I only wish you would have told me that’s your nature way back when before I fell for you.”
I think you can see how this makes that guy look rather shallow, yet in a nice way.
You could add, “And I hope your penis becomes as small as your level of class each time you have to perform,” as a nice curse if you are so inclined to level curses at people who hurt you.
Once it is over, you may be inclined to contact this person, or they may contact you depending upon circumstances. For example, if you haven’t had a date for a year after they left, you may want to reconnect. If they went out to bang everyone they could and it didn’t work out so well, they may come back with tail between their legs, or is it penis, in either case, it may be best to pass, because their character is in the gutter and you don’t want to get in there with them.
If they were genuinely confused and they realize they are the person for you, it would be foolish to not accept their apology and efforts to reconnect. You have to decide how jerky or noble this individual is in relation to your needs, and level of desperation. There are nice people out there, so keep looking!
It may be time to go back to the postings on compatibility and settling, as all too often, people end up in poor relationships because they are afraid, desperate, needy or ignorant. If you can find the person who fulfills most of your needs and who is highly compatible, your chance of success is greatly improved. If you settle, you may be getting into less than you expected.