Absence makes the heart grow fonder. What an important concept for the dating set and for all couples as well. Who said it? Thomas Haynes Bayly (1797-1839) was the one who made it popular in his day. What’s it all about?

I miss you! Those words explain it all for anyone who has been in love, lust, like or even just part of friends and family. The words engender a warm feeling, and the stronger the relationship the more meaningful are the words.

If you haven’t seen your loved one for a long time, the “missing you” and the “reconnection” are all that much sweeter.

The more time you spend together, the less opportunity to enjoy the feelings of “missing you.” This is a very odd take and you may not appreciate the concept if you have never loved or even like someone. You may not agree if you're the hopeless romantic. But since most have relationships that can offer up “missing you” like feelings, stay with me here while I try to explain.

One could argue that the more you are together the stronger the love/like and there’s no need to be missed. To not be missed is to not appreciate love at a higher level. It all goes back to the steak/lobster paradigm. If you eat steak or lobster (substitute your favorite food) every night, after awhile it loses its allure. The same can happen with people, and it seems to be the case as so many people end relationships. Could missing each other have helped? It’s not that easy to say, because there are so many variables in love, but it may be something to consider how much you appreciate seeing your lover after an absence.

As all things in life, extremes are not the way to go. If you stay away from your love for too long, it might go the other way that is best said in the second part of the saying that started this subject: Absence make the heart grow fonder, but absence can make the heart wander.

Since life is all about balance, try to appreciate times apart and especially the moment you come together after an absence. This is easier to do when dating since you may not see each other all week.

For those of you living together, you may want to appreciate the little moments apart like when you come home from work. Give and get a hug, a kiss, maybe even hop into bed and take a nap – no that’s not what I mean.

Absence may be a tool for those with intimacy problems. If you really like someone and you miss them, you may want to be with them more and as such help melt away the intimacy issues. Of course this approach will not assure one that they can avoid all the reasons for doubting intimacy i.e. rejection, trust, abuse and the like.

Why is life so complicated? Because it is!

• Lynne (2010/11/02 04:06)
These are very enjoyable articles. I look forward to these emails. Thanks Mr Mystery Dater

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